


Sunset Beach

by Anyaparadox



Category: The Vampire Diaries - L. J. Smith
Genre: Caroline-centric, F/M, Vampire Caroline Forbes, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9209936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anyaparadox/pseuds/Anyaparadox
Summary: When a death, a poetry book, and loving the bad guy become too much for her, Caroline decides to walk herself back into the girl she once was.ORCaroline learns to forgive and finds happiness along the way.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't adhere to show timeline because I gave up a while back. What you need to know: Caroline's in uni, Bonnie's dead, Elena is with Damon, Klaus and Tyler had their fight in 'Bloodletting' episode.
> 
> This was inspired by a recent Australia trip, the book 'Wild', and my poor attempt at writing poetry half as good as Rupi Kaur's.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, please kudos or comment, thank you!

She can taste the desperation burning in the back of her throat, and Caroline wishes with everything she has that she could just rewind to a time before this fight, before everything. She wishes that Tyler wasn’t standing in front of her, and she wishes that Elena never turned, and she wishes that the Salvatore brothers never came into their lives.

More than all of that, though, Caroline wishes that she could ignore the fact that this is the end. It’s been the end for a long time now; Tyler has been out of her life more than he’s been in it, and even though she’ll always love him, Caroline knows she’ll also never be able to forgive him.

“Just love me more than you hate him.” The words are razors in the silence of her dorm room, and Tyler’s nostrils flare with pain and rage. This, of course, is exactly what Caroline was afraid of… the silence. She’s familiar with it; this is the exact same scenario her mother and father had created the evening they split up.

“I’m sorry, Care,” Tyler whispers, “I can’t do that.”

The worst part is she can’t blame him. She doesn’t hate Tyler for his choice; if it was her vengeance, Caroline wouldn’t be able to give it up either. He lost everything because of Klaus, and nothing Caroline could ever do could fix that.

Still, it hurts. It hurts because Caroline has been the neurotic one, the perfectionist, and even the victim. It hurts because she has never been good enough for anyone, and she _loves_ Tyler. It hurts because as much as her heart feels heavy and sick in her chest, it’s also almost a relief, because this was a twisted part of her life, and it’s gone now.

“You’re going to go there.” It’s not a question.

Tyler nods, and tears track their way down Caroline’s cheeks. She wants to fall to the floor and scream, but she doesn’t.

“He’ll kill you.” Caroline tells him. It’s true; Klaus had shown mercy Caroline hadn’t realized he’d possessed when he’d allowed Tyler to return to Mystic Falls, but there was no way he would stand for further insubordination in another part of the country.

Tyler snarls, “Not if I kill him first.”

Caroline swallows, “I honestly hope you find what you’re looking for, Tyler. But now I need you to leave. Please.”

“Care, no,” Tyler’s eyes are wet with unshed tears, and he’s holding out a hand as if she’s the one running away here.

Caroline can feel her eyes flash dark for a second, anger and hurt and vampiric tendencies taking over; she snaps: “Stop. I don’t deserve this, and you know it. You want your revenge? Fine. But you can’t have it _and_ have me. So get out.”

Tyler’s fingers curl in, his open palm turning into a fist. He nods once at her and spins on his heel, closing the door gently as he leaves. Caroline counts to one hundred in her head before she allows herself to drop to the wood floor and cry. 

It’s not just Tyler. It’s the fact that Caroline honestly had thought Tyler would always choose her until he suddenly didn’t. It’s the fact that Klaus — the _bad_ guy — had given up his revenge on Tyler for the hybrids and allowed him to come back to town because she had asked it of him.

It’s the fact that she knows if she had offered Klaus the same choice - _just love me more than you hate him —_ he would have taken it. He would have chosen her.

And she hates him for that almost as much as she’s coming to realize she loves him, too. He is her, after all, they are two sides of the same coin.

 

* * *

 

The news doesn’t travel fast. Caroline has immersed herself in her studies, sailing through her classes with perfect grades. Her mother is proud of her, and Caroline makes a point to visit her to make sure the weariness in her face doesn’t become any more pronounced. Mystic Falls has been unkind to it’s populace, and her mother had been no exception.

She hardly sees Elena, though they live together. She is always in Mystic Falls, visiting Damon — she has been compelling her profs for her grades, and Caroline doesn’t really know why she’s bothering to pay for the education at this point. They hardly speak, anymore. It’s not animosity, not really. It’s just too hard to look at each other and not think about the fact that they’ll never be able to see Bonnie again. No more girls nights, no more phone calls.

Bonnie is just… gone. And though Elena is still around, Caroline has lost her just the same.

This is why it takes a while for the news to travel. Caroline hears about it from her mother, of all people, because despite everything, Liz still has some semblance of a friendship with Damon.

They’re sitting together on a Sunday afternoon before Caroline is planning to drive back to school, drinking tea and pretending that they’re two perfectly normal individuals that don’t have the past they have.

Liz says: “Tyler won’t be coming home.”

Caroline closes her eyes, “Klaus killed him?”

“No,” Liz answers, “from what I’ve heard they fought, and Klaus won, but he let him go at the last second.”

“That wasn’t a kindness,” Caroline murmurs.

Liz sighs, “No. I don’t believe it was.”

And that’s all they say about it, and Caroline goes back to her dorm to try and pretend that she doesn’t know why Tyler is still alive, why Klaus keeps letting him go, why Klaus keeps _bending_ when she asks him too.

She does know. But she still wants to ask him. Still wants to hear his voice.

 

***

 

“Why?”

 

“You know why.”

 

 

***

 

By the time that Elena moves out, Caroline is ready for it. She gets herself a studio apartment near her school, and continues to visit Mystic Falls once every two weeks. She sees her mother and Stefan, and then goes back to school. She knows that Stefan and her are close, and a lot of that friendship is because of all the hardships they have faced together, and a surplus of common ground for all of the times Elena has left them for something or someone better. The other thing that ties them together, perhaps more than any other, is that both of them know what it feels like to love Klaus. They don’t talk about this commonality, of course, but Caroline thinks it’s nice to know that she isn’t the only person in the whole world that has seen beyond what he has become, into where he was good.

Elena and Damon have left town for good.

Tyler has never come back.

Bonnie is still gone.

Caroline ignores all of this and pushes through her school — she learns to paint, and she tells herself it’s not because of _him_.

It is, though.

 

* * *

 

Liz dies that summer. It’s nothing supernatural — she just has a heart attack on the job one day, and there’s nothing anyone could do. Or that’s what they tell Caroline, even though she knows that _she_ could have done something. 

She goes to the funeral, sells the house and everything she doesn’t want, and stores the rest in a safety deposit box. There’s nothing left for her in Mystic Falls.

She leaves school, books the next plane she can find. She texts Stefan once to let him know she’ll be gone for a while, but she’s okay. Then she makes call.

She says: “I’m sure you know what happened.”

“My condolences. Anything I can do?” His voice aches — it’s as if he’s honestly, truly sorry for her. Caroline hates it.

“Don’t come after me.”

Silence.

“I won’t,” Klaus promises, “but, Caroline?”

“Yes?”

Klaus sighs. “When you’re ready to be found, let me know.”

She hangs up, smashes her phone into pieces, drops it into the garbage can. She gets on the plane, and doesn’t think twice.

 

* * *

 

Caroline loses herself in the world — she slums around in dangerous neighbourhoods because there’s something so beautiful about being able to stand up for herself. She tours countrysides she’s never even dreamed of travelling. She takes photos of ancient structures and history that she’ll never see.

The longest she stays anywhere is in Sydney. Something about the ocean and the bustling city call to her.

It helps that it happens to be one place she’s always wanted to see that Klaus never mentioned. She’s never been to Paris or Tokyo, and she won’t go without him.

She finds a flat just outside of the city. It’s stupidly expensive, because Australia as a whole is stupidly expensive. She spends her days on beaches, trying to find one deserted enough that she can feel lost, even for a moment. 

The only human interaction she has comes from a secondhand bookstore down the street from her place. Books, like so many things in Sydney, are expensive — and it’s not that she doesn’t have the money, because her mother had been a saver and it’s all hers now, and she can compel the bank tellers in a pinch. However, she likes the feel of second hand books, the way they sometimes tell stories through underlined passages or quotes. There’s something beautiful about being able to see a part of someone she’ll never know, just by seeing the words they loved.

The shop owner is a young girl, probably early twenties. Her name is Sam, and Caroline chats to her every week when she comes in to trade her book in and buy a new one. Sam has long brown hair, vibrant green eyes, and a smile that could make you forget your name. She’s beautiful and bubbly, and Caroline envies her the easy confidence that simmers under her skin. 

She’s also kind, which is a harder commodity than beauty to find.

“Hey Caroline,” Sam greets, “how was the book?”

Caroline smiles, “Good. Mystery has never been my favourite though.”

If she never had to deal with another mystery in her life again it would be too soon. 

Sam laughs, “I agree. How about horror?”

“No thanks. Life is enough of a horror show on it’s own,” Caroline grins to soften the comment, but Sam nods solemnly anyway. She’s smart, and Caroline forgets that sometimes.

“Agreed,” Sam says. Her phone rings and she sends Caroline an apologetic look as she answers it.

Caroline browses around the shop, avoiding anything to do with police or vampires, which basically means no teen fiction and no crime books _ever_. She settles on some historical book about Jerusalem, which was not her usual type of novel, but she’s been thinking about moving on, and travelling through Israel and the middle east next. 

Sam’s heart rate picks up, and Caroline lifts her head when she hears angry murmurs from the other side of the shop. It’s not difficult for Caroline to focus in on the phone call enough to understand that Sam is furious and hurt by whoever is on the phone. It’s a woman’s voice, but Caroline shakes her head and refocuses on her books. She doesn’t need to infringe on her privacy any longer.

She’s still staring down at the book in her hands when Sam finally hangs up. Caroline waits a few minutes longer and then heads to the counter to buy the book. Sam smiles at her when she approaches, a bit unsteady and pale, but determined.

“You’re happy with this one?” Sam asks.

Caroline nods, “Yeah.”

Sam scans it through and takes Caroline’s money, but pauses before she hands the bag with her book in it back to her. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears.

She says: “Do you ever feel like there’s not one person in the whole world that loves you?”

Caroline shuts her eyes for a moment, thrown back in time to when she was the lost girl asking nearly the exact same question. When she opens her eyes, Sam is still waiting.

She nods, “All the damn time.”

Sam laughs shakily, “Is this how it’s always going to be? We’re just all alone in this stupid world?”

Caroline thinks back to how she’s lost everything — her humanity, her friends, her school, her mother. She’s tempted to say yes, that the world is cruel, that life is pain, and Sam should let go of the optimism that bleeds out of her every pore because it will only hurt her.

Instead she says: “No, I don’t think so. There’s someone out there that will love us forever, and not treat us like shit.”

Sam sniffles, “Yeah. Sorry, I’m being stupid.” She hands her the bag and Caroline smiles at her and turns away. 

Before she can take a step she turns back and meets Sam’s eyes. She’s not very practiced at compulsion — she has used it to get things before, but never to control another or to plant thoughts. She’s been on the wrong end of that game before and has no desire to do that to someone else.

Still, she feels her eyes change and she forces her compulsion at Sam.

“When you think that no one cares about you I want you to remember that someone does, because you are good and kind and beautiful. I want you to know that you are worthwhile, and you deserve to be happy. I want you to forget about me; you don’t know a Caroline, and you’ll never see me again.”

Caroline exits the shop, stopping once only to look at Sam through the window, who looks confused but is smiling.

When Caroline gets back to her flat she opens her book bag and instead of her Jerusalem book is a novel with a matte black cover and a single word in silver lettering that says _forgive_.

Caroline only knows it because Sam has been reading it in the shop for the past two weeks. She wonders if Sam accidentally put her own book in the bag, or if it was purposeful. She flips open the first page, to the dedication and reads the words, mostly out of curiosity.

 

_these words are for the broken hearted_

_the angry, lonely, forgotten people_

_who are so full of love and loveliness_

_that they have forgotten_

_they once possessed._

_forgive those that created you_

_not for them — no_

_never for them_

_but forgive them for you._

 

Caroline drops the book to the floor, shaken by the words. She doesn’t like poetry, she never has; these words though, they resonate within her. She is so angry at so many people. She’s furious at her father, for leaving her, for torturing her, and hating what she was. She’s furious at Stefan, for coming to Mystic Falls in the first place. She _hates_ Katherine, for turning her; and deep within her, she hates Damon. There is no part of her that has forgotten all the terrible things he did when he came to town, the terrible things he did to _her._ She hates all the bad guys that came to town; she’s angry at Matt for not accepting her, and Tyler and Elena and Bonnie for leaving her.

She mad at her own mother for dying.

She’s mostly angry at herself, though, for being too fucking cowardly to just _stay_ after her mother died. For being weak, and stupid, and lonely. 

Caroline doesn’t even know if she could forgive the list of people she hates, but she could try. She could try to forgive them for herself, as the book says.

She closes the cover, because she doesn’t think she deserves to read anymore without at least trying to listen to the words.

Caroline packs up her flat, which has the bare minimum of items anyway, and takes a train to Newcastle. The train is soothing, and as she coasts along she thinks about where she’ll go next.

When she gets to Newcastle it’s sunset. She takes down a kangaroo easily, not relishing the gamey taste of the blood. It’s not ideal but she’s not willing to waste time finding someone to compel. She buys herself some new light clothes, a backpack, a small tent and sleeping bag, and boots to walk in. The clerk at the store looks at her oddly when she doesn’t bother with food rations or sunscreen or a water bottle, but she doesn’t let it sway her.

She starts to walk when night finally falls. She has a single backpack on her back, a few clothes in it, soap, her book, a map, and a flashlight. There is no destination in mind.

 

* * *

 

She walks for a long time. She climbs Mt. Tomaree, surrounded by other people and tourists, and stares at the beauty of the world all around her. She wishes her mother were still alive to see all of this. Caroline wishes she had thought to bring her around this world before she died.

In the beginnings of what promises to be a spectacular sunset, staring down at the green of the world and the blue of the ocean, she flips open her book and reads.

 

_There is more grief inside of me than fury_

_and I know you would say_

_that it is a shame to drown such a beautiful heart_

_with anything other than love_

 

She forgives her mother, first.

* * *

It’s on the far edge of Birubi beach that she forgives Elena and Tyler. They deserve whatever happiness they can find, and she can’t keep blaming them because it wasn’t with her.

She sits on the sand dunes for hours before she reads another page out of her book, because it only feels right to forgive Stefan and Damon in the same day. They started this life together, all of them, and Caroline doesn’t want to carry the Salvatore’s any longer.

She forgives Stefan — he’s the easiest. He didn’t mean to cause all the things he did just by appearing in Mystic Falls. He was the butterfly in the chaos theory, the ripple in the pond. He didn’t know. 

Caroline couldn’t blame him, not when his motive was love.

Damon though — she blames Damon. But she thinks of what he took from her, what he continues to steal from her for every moment she continues to think of him. She owes him nothing, not even forgiveness, but she owes herself the chance at peace.

She forgives them all by the time night falls and the only thing she can see is white sand and navy waves.

 

_you are made of anger and rage_

_and you have stars in your soul_

_and hatred in your stomach_

_forgive forgive_

_but don’t forget_

 

* * *

 

She carries around the anger she has at her father for longer before simply dismissing it, one day on Sunset Beach. She spent the day in the seaside town wondering where she would head next, and decided to sit on the edge of the water for a few hours. The beach is pretty, but nothing special — it doesn’t compare to Birubi or Fingal or One Mile Beach where she has spent the last few days exploring.

But when the sun sets she finally understands why the beach is named Sunset Beach.

Tears crowd her eyes as colours light up the sky — in all of her travels through Europe and South America and China she has never seen something that fills her with such peace. She wonders how there can exist such pain in the world at the same time as such beauty. 

It last only minutes, but Caroline feels ancient by the time the sun has disappeared into the still waters of the bay.

It is easy, in the silence, to let go of her father.

She has been angry for too long, and she will not waste any more of her time on someone who didn’t love her as she deserved.

 

_if you do not love me for who i am_

_then i will leave you behind_

_and you will have to learn_

_to love_

_yourself_

_as i love_

_myself_

 

* * *

 

She swims across the bay because she is a vampire and she can do that. She barely needs to breathe, and the bay is not that far across. She finds Bennetts Beach easily. It is like Birubi in that it is huge and white sanded and stunning. She doesn’t love it the way she loved Sunset Beach, but it is still breathtaking.

Plus, it seemed like the perfect place to remember Bonnie.

She doesn’t need to forgive Bonnie — not in the same way as the others. She is angry that she will never see her again, of course, but that’s not Bonnie’s _fault._ Caroline misses her. She isn’t angry.

She spends hours on the beach thinking about all the good times she had shared with Bonnie Bennett, and she even remembers the shitty times, for good measure.

When she is finished she opens her book and tears out the page even though it makes the book lover in her cringe. She reads it out loud, alone on the white sand. When she is done she lets go, and lets the wind take it. The page flutters high into the air beyond her sight, and it doesn’t matter that Caroline knows it is just the wind, and the paper will probably end up in the ocean… for that one moment, it was Bonnie.

“Goodbye,” Caroline whispers.

 

_there are a thousand worlds out there_

_and in every single one_

_you are the north star_

 

* * *

 

Katherine takes her ages. She walks for days, hitchhikes when she can. Caroline doesn’t particularly want the company of other people, but sometimes it’s nice to sit in a car and look at the scenery instead of hike through the bush. She’s seen snakes and spiders, and as a human that would have freaked her out, but so far none have attacked, and she’s not human any longer.

It’s only when she gets to the Seal Rocks lighthouse that she thinks she’s ready. The lighthouse is ancient and white, and surrounded on all sides by viciously sharp rocks and unpredictable ocean. It’s windy and rainy, and Caroline is soaked to the bone. It’s not cold though, even now in the rain. 

Caroline has been stuck on the thought of forgiving Katherine for days when it finally occurs to her that she doesn’t have to. She just has to let go of her hatred, especially now that Katherine is dead and gone, and she’ll never have to deal with her again.

Caroline holds the railings as hard as she can while the waves whip saltwater into her face and hair.She shouts _fuck you_ into the roaring of the surf and she’s never felt more out of control or more powerful at the same time.

She doesn’t read her pages till the rain has stopped late at night, and she’s curled up in her tent. She pulls out her flashlight to read by, and feels nearly weightless.

 

_i do not forgive you_

_and i do not have to_

_but i am no longer angry_

_because there is more humanity_

_inside one of my fingers_

_than you had_

_in your entire_

_black_

_heart_

 

* * *

 

She still walks on, even though she doesn’t really have anyone else to forgive. She still has pages of her book left to read but she’s not ready to go on. She stops at all the right places, visiting beaches and lighthouses and look outs. She stops at Diamond Beach, and takes the Manning ferry, and hikes up more lookouts than she even knew existed.

It isn’t until she makes her way to Port Macquarie and finds Flynn’s beach and the famous blowhole that she opens her book. In the face of the ocean shoving powerfully at the walls all around her, the idea that if she were to jump she may not return, or she might be changed — she’s not sure what she’s expecting to find, whether the words that she sees will resonate the same way every other page has. 

 

_i know more languages than you can imagine_

_i have seen more lands than you can know_

_and i still can’t tell you the three words_

_that could change this distance between us_

 

At first, she’s angry. Which is the exact opposite thing she has been trying to feel. She’s angry because she finds herself in the words, but more than that, she finds _Klaus_. He’s sitting there in ink, staring out at her, telling her again that he _intends to be her last_. 

Her anger holds out until the sun finally disappears, and then she’s just sad. She knows he’s still waiting for her, wherever he is. She knows that he loves her, and she knows that she loves him — in a scared and careful way, but she does love him. 

But she’s not ready.

 

* * *

 

She is ready to stop walking, however, and she ends up taking a bus back down towards Sydney. She doesn’t quite get there, though, because Sunset Beach is calling to her. She ends up back on Soldier’s Point, her tent pegged into the sand. 

Caroline wonders if after all the amazing things she has seen on this trip, if she doesn’t believe the sunset was as spectacular as it was. She wonders if she’s just built it up in her brain.

She’s sitting there, ten minutes till sunset, when a older man sits down on the sand about ten feet away. He’s got a camera in his hands, and lines around his eyes. 

He smiles at her when he catches her looking, and he says, “There’s no two the same, you know.”

Caroline frowns, “Pardon?”

He gestures with his camera towards the horizon, “The sunsets — every single one is beautiful, but no two are ever the same.”

He doesn’t say anything else and Caroline doesn’t answer. 

She takes out her book but doesn’t open it. The corners are starting to tear and get worn, and Caroline thinks that this is her legacy.

The sunset, albeit totally different from the one she had previously seen, is spectacular. There is red and purple and blue and black, whereas before had been orange and red, a fire that had lit up the waves. Caroline’s soul aches in a whole new way than it had when she had started her journey, and she wonders if it’s because she has space now, she has freedom and memories and happiness filling her up.

It’s only after the sun has finally disappeared that Caroline tears her gaze away. The old man is still sitting, his camera untouched.

Caroline says: “You didn’t take any photos.”

He shrugs, “Sometimes it’s too beautiful to look at it through a lens. The world is meant to be enjoyed by your eyes.”

“I’ve never seen anything like that.” Caroline tells him.

He smiles at her, “And you never will again. Once in a lifetime sunsets, every single one.”

Caroline nods slowly and opens her book.

 

_i will not run forever_

_and when i am finished_

_i will run back to you_

 

 

Her eyes are teary, and when she closes them she sees the sunset behind her lids.

“I think I’ll head home now,” the man says, “have a safe journey wherever you’re headed.”

Caroline stands up when he leaves and packs up her tent. She puts everything back in her backpack, and takes one last moment to look out at the ocean. It’s high tide, and everything is still and placid.

Caroline forgives herself.

 

* * *

 

Caroline is at the foot of the Eiffel Tower when she finally sees him. Nothing has changed — his blue eyes still make her heart race, and his curly hair is unruly and boyish. He grins and his dimples stand out, innocent in a way he isn’t.

“Caroline,” he says, his voice pleased. She hasn’t heard the way her name falls out of his mouth like a prayer in nearly two years.

“I forgive you,” Caroline tells him, first, “and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say that.”

Klaus looks at her seriously, and Caroline wonders if she looks as changed as she feels. She hasn’t had a chance to look in a mirror in far too long.

“I told you I would wait.”

Caroline smiles, “I believed you. But I’m still sorry.”

Klaus nods, and looks around pointedly, “So Paris, huh?”

“You told me you would show me around, once upon a time. I haven’t been here before, I landed this morning.”

“Where were you?”

Caroline laughs, “All over, but Australia, mostly.”

Klaus stares her down, eyes as piercing as they always have been, the apex predator on the hunt for his prey.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

Caroline shrugs, “I think so.”

Klaus takes her hand hesitantly, and Caroline wonders at the strength he holds back, the rage and the anger. She wonders if she could teach him to let go and forgive.

She wonders if she could show him all of the places she loves, all of the places where she has let go of poison that had been shoved under her skin for so long.

Caroline thinks she could try.

“Klaus.” 

Blue eyes; endless potential; forever; her _very last_.

“I love you.”

 

* * *

 

_there is a darkness in you_

_matched only by a light in me_

_and i loved_

_i do love_

_i will love you_

_until we have seen_

_the very last_

_sunset_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to add photos to this but it was so hard. I highly recommend you google some of these places Caroline has been too. They are just as beautiful as Caroline describes. Please let me know what you think.


End file.
